I’ve heard the people don’t change phrase lot.
In movies, in conversations, on social media (especially when someone is actively being cancelled). The concept of second chances is the last thing on anyone’s mind these days. Mostly because humans have evolved into perfect, self-centred creatures.
That is nothing new. Humans have always been selfish, now we just do it under the guise of self-care. Apparently, forgiving someone and giving them a second chance is just bad for your skin and aura.
The truth is people suck, and if you give some unrepentant jerk a second chance, they will probably hurt you much harder than they did the first time. But that doesn’t mean people don’t change, they do.
Even the worst, most horrible, sickening human being can change.
Here’s the thing though, that’s never been for you to decide. Whether a person changes is not based on how much they’ve hurt you or even how much you want it.
It’s based on two things:
Them and God.
I’ve thought about it, really thought about it and I’ve realised that you probably think people don’t change for two reasons:
One — You don’t want them to change until they get what’s coming to them. Basically, you want Karma to destroy them and that would be a tad inconvenient if they’ve turned over a new leaf.
Two — You are under the misguided notion you can change them. So, when you put in the work, and put in the work and put in the work but this person is just so consistent at being bad, you throw your hands in the air and go, “I give up! People don’t change!”
Number one is just basic human nature. I can tell you first hand that when a person hurts me, I’m not looking to give them a second chance. And even when I forgive them, some part of me is hoping that they do the same shit they did to me to someone else, so they can get it good.
I’m self-aware enough to admit that to myself. I’ve also realised that it’s a shitty way to live. I’ve hurt many people, even when I’m not aware. And I just think, what if one or more of them is just hoping Karma shoves me into a law court with no jury and goes, “You horrible human! I sentence you to fifty years of misery!”
You holding onto the notion that people don’t change because you sub-consciously (or not) want them to remain bad enough to get what’s coming to them is, well, is just wrong.
Because here’s the truth: sometimes people don’t change because no one expects them to. No one holds out a shred of hope for their goodness. And because of that, they fear that if they do change, their change will forever be seen as a form of manipulation or hypocrisy.
There are literally people who don’t want other people to change, so they that their judgement of said people, is all the more justified.
Also, if a person were to change for the better, how would you justify thinking that you are better than them? That you are a good person?
Number two is just you thinking you are “all that.”
Normal, also another basic human nature.
You thinking you can change someone is just well, to put it plainly it’s quite bad for your mental health.
A person changes because they want to, because they’ve found something worth changing for. Because they’ve looked into themselves and realised that life would make so much more sense to them and the people they love if they make a change.
A person changes because God changes them.
Not because you’ve pitched your tent in their lives, with a fervent cry of, “I can change him, or “I can change her.”
Why?
Well, you are not an exorcist. You are not about to command the evil out of them.
Even if you could, you do know some times the exorcist gets possessed by the evil they are trying to exorcise, right?
Sometimes, when you try to change someone, you end up being the changed one. You end up adopting the very traits you were trying to eliminate.
People do and have changed from the worst to the absolute best. Don’t act like you’ve never seen it. Don’t like it doesn’t happen. To do that would be to deny your own change.
To deny the very constant of human nature.
The best way to let go and make a person change is not by doing it yourself or hope they don’t. It’s to:
One- forgive them.
Two- Hope and pray to God that they do change.
Three- Never treat them with the same hands they’ve treated you.
All three of these things are very hard, but in my opinion, they are the most effective ways.
The alternative is the previous listed two and honestly, that’s not a road you want to travel.
Thanks for stopping by, see you in my next post.
